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If you have decided that you want to file for divorce, you have made a life-altering choice. It was likely not easy to make this decision, unless some significant event occurred that fundamentally conflicts with your values. But whether or not the decision to divorce was a straightforward one to make for you, you are likely grappling with a host of negative emotions. It is important not to let these emotions take control while you are telling your spouse that you want a divorce.

Certainly, negative emotions like anger may help to give you the courage to make this announcement. However, letting your negative emotions run the show may set a truly negative tone for your divorce process. As you are less likely to get the child custody and/or property division settlement that you want and deserve if you initiate a high-conflict divorce process, it is important to remain calm and focused while telling your spouse that you no longer wish to remain married.

Think about your timing and your phrasing instead of simply blurting your wishes out at an inopportune moment. Even if your spouse is your least favorite person in the world right now, it will benefit you to think your announcement through and to deliver it in a way that will not blindside him or her.

In addition, you may want to quietly seek the advice of an attorney experienced in matters of family law before you tell your spouse about your intentions. Your attorney may have some words of wisdom about your announcement that will ultimately impact your divorce process.

Source: The Huffington Post, “How To Tell Your Spouse That You Want A Divorce,” Susan Pease Gadova, Aug. 4, 2014